Marina Krleža: Sexual Prohibitions and Us

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When I heard some years ago that teen was one of the most watched and demanded categories in porn video worldwide, and that it was not just a trend but one of the porn industry constants from the very start, I was quite surprised. First of all because I started from myself. I have never found much use for porn featuring young people. I think that people aged 18 to 25 are not mature enough yet in certain aspects of their own sexuality. They still lack sufficient awereness of their own sexuality to truly give themselves to another person in sex.

I am most strongly repulsed by pornography with actors aged under 18, the so-called child porn. I abhor and condemn it utterly. If you consume it, uncle Sigmund Freud will be able to tell you some useful things about it. I will mention him in this column again today, not only because I am a great fan of Freud and have carefully read all his works, but because I think his theories explain sexual taboos very well.

Oh, wait. I’m lying. I have just realized that I HAVE consumed porn featuring young males — and still do. When we are horny and aroused, we can’t always discern whether some person in a porn movie is of legal age or not. Can we?

The category that has always attracted me and belongs to my top 10 kinds of porn is certainly mother and son in which I sometimes imagine myself in the mother’s role. I am not ashamed to admit that there is something arousing in this incestuous act — in which the actors in the porn movie are never a real mother and son, of course. However, the male actor is always much younger than the actress, and MILFs (Mothers I’d Like to Fuck) give him hard erections.

Maybe what turns me on is the prohibition itself. A man is not allowed to sleep with a much older woman because it clashes with the social standards. He is forbidden to sleep with a relative. This is strongly condemned both by science and the Church. They condemn it for justified reasons, about which I will write in a future column, which will focus on incest.

In connection with this, I could never imagine myself in the role of the daughter in the father and daughter category porn movie. No men in my own family (I have a father and a brother) have ever attracted me sexually and I am happy that it is so. The mother-and-son fantasy works for me probably only because I do not have a son, so that the fantasy can be guiltless and I can be relaxed about having a kind of sexual affinity for younger men — older than 18, of course.

If you’re asking have I ever fantasized sexually of a man under 18, the answer is yes. It happens very rarely, however, but if I feel I arouse somebody really strongly (in the graphics on Instagram I wrote that sexual energy can be felt telepathically even across a large distance), and if I feel sympathy towards him, there is a potential for his unplanned appearance in my dreams, perhaps even for an orgasm while I imagine his sexual plans involving me. (His plan may be simply to masturbates imagining me.)

I’m never dominant over the younger man in such fantasies because I want to figure out what he wants and how he wants it and what exactly excites him and how far does his sexual experience go. The fact that younger men fantasize about the dominance of older women does not mean that they also desire it in reality. In fact, they would probably be scared of it in real life because of their limited sexual experience. Also, the social-evolutionary forces in the society still mandate that the man be sexually dominant over the woman. I must stress again that I have never had, and never would have, any real sexual experience with a minor. I strongly condemn pedophilia.

On the other hand, keep in mind that young people start masturbating much earlier than reaching the legal age, and their fantasies sometimes include real people from their surroundings. (In an earlier column I wrote that I would sometimes get aroused by older women whom I imagined having sex with their husbands; on occasion I also imagined older men.)

When I started writing this column, I had certainly not expected to be going into these issues so openly, deeply and explicitly. But, it is important to me to be honest with you — these days, people very seldom are, I think. It is also important for me to say out loud what I have been thinking in my 22 years of sexual life and experience. These were the things that I have spoken openly about solely with my lovers. Admit it: we talk about it only with the people we’re having sex with (the people we fuck, to be a bit more profane).

I have reached a point in life when I am gratifyingly independent and can talk about sexuality loudly, without fear of losing a job or fear of condemnation by others, especially by the conservative social circles. Winning such independence in public speech was, I must say, very difficult. Because of that, I hope my words and my information will be all the more appreciated and shared by others, through Facebook, email links and all the other virtual channels. I think it’s high time we became more sexually aware and enlightened and stopped being hypocrites. If we don’t, we’ll only do further harm to ourselves and the future generations. I will also be very happy to hear your opinions (in the comment section) about everything written here. I am really interested in whether you think I have crossed the line of good taste or not.

Many of you know that I have worked for years in primary and secondary schools as a teacher. If you’re wondering if I’ve ever felt the sexual affinity of some of my pupils towards myself, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t. It is normal. Everyone, not only in education, but also in other fields, has experienced it at the workplace. Remember the first column of Sexurbation? A child has a libido from about 2 years of age. When you are in a classroom surrounded by a bunch of young people in puberty who are craving their first sexual experience, who still know very little about sex, it is normal for them to connect to you on a spiritual level. You spend a few hours a week with them, they learn new things from you, and you have their welfare at heart. In a sense, you become a kind of substite mother to them.

I did not abuse my position in the workplace in any way, but on occasion I saw women, teachers, who did so indirectly, by wearing shorter skirts and low-cut necklines, possibly expecting the younger boys to masturbate thinking of them. (Well, I think it’s all natural and to be expected. It does happen and will continue to happen.) You could never see me at school wearing a skirt (okay, maybe just once) or in a low-cut shirt with the cleavage showing. I respected the rules of ethics of my profession very strictly. I liked to think of myself as a high quality and fair educator. It is only now that I realize I was deliberately denying myself skirts and deep necklines precisely to avoid finding myself in an unpleasant situation. It was a clever thing to do.

Anyway, I can’t say students’ words and jokes with sexual allusions have not been heard in the corridors during breaks. In such situations you are the one who needs to be careful not to cross that thin line of potential (sub)conscious seduction. As an educator, at least in a Western-style school, you need to communicate as an asexual being, within the school as well as outside. This applies not only to communication with students, but also with fellow teachers and the entire school system, including parents at PTA meetings. As far as sexuality is concerned, as a classmaster your role is identical to thant of a nun who is not allowed even to say aloud that she has that thing between her legs, let alone that she sometimes uses it for masturbation or sex.

Despite the fact that we dislike them, prohibitions appear at every step of our lives. We are taught from the earliest days that masturbation is something bad. Throughout childhood and youth, the society pushes us to control our libido. The church goes to the extreme of suggesting that it is best not to practice sex at all before marriage.

“Prohibition” is a word no one likes, especially when we are the ones being prohibited from doing or having something. Man is born aspiring to freedom — or should be. Freedom, however, is a slippery concept. The jury is out on whether we have enough of it and even whether we have it at all. If we do have it, in which parts of our lives is it present the most?

Is the most prominent at work where we mostly follow someone else’s rules? Is it there in the city streets and squares, where we are exposed to other people’s eyes? Or is it that our bedrooms, and other places where we have sex and masturbate, are the only place of freedom that we have? Is our sexuality still the domain where our freedom is the least restricted, where no one controls us and where we can be our most authentic selves? And then there is a more crucial question — to which extent are we free in our own sexuality, with ourselves as well as with others?

Let’s look at what freedom in sexuality implies. Is it all the places where we are allowed to have sex without violating public order? Is it all the people with whom we are, or are not, allowed to have sex? Is it all the ways in which we make love — that is, is any type of sex, oral, anal, group etc. taboo for us? Where are the boundaries set by the society, and where are those we set ourselves?

You must have noticed that there is more violence, misfortune and bad news on TV than positive things, like happiness, love, and eroticism. You must have noticed that the major TV channels do not broadcast porn movies, even though they have been shown to give people pleasure and make them happy. Instead, TV broadcasts documentaries on murder, feature films filled with fights and crime, and soap operas soaked in intrigues and conspiracies. Of sensuality, hedonism and enjoyment there is little or nothing.

Take the current Croatian national TV program on workdays. Channel 1 has “Detective Murdoch” series around midnight, Channel 2 offers “Law and Order”, NovaTV prime time is reserved for Turkish soaps, and RTL caps off its daily fare with the “Women Murderers” and “Chronicles of Crime” documentaries. Offered all the beauties the world and nature can give, TV program chiefs, politicians, states and owners of capital decide to feed us the world’s seamiest side instead. They, however, enjoy the opposite of what they give you. Earning money off you, they enjoy the sun, their yachts and villas, and do not need TV to make their lives entertaining.

Those who sell you such programming are not interested in your peaceful sleep. Nor do they care about you caressing yourself to sleep, by yourself or with someone. It is not in their interest for you to wake up happy and to greet the next night in the same mood. You have to fight for your own happiness. You need to be persistent and find ways to reach it and to consume it — unlike most people, who usually do not do it. Why don’t they? Because they are not used to it. They have not been taught to do it from an early age. Because, as they were growing up, no one stressed it as a priority for achieving health and happiness. Mental and physical.

Stress is known to be the main source of many illnesses and disbalances in our body. We should take life in our hands and create moments that are just our own. If the orgasm gives you pleasure, do not let anyone withhold it from you. It has been proven to extend life and decidedly improve your health. That is why we should afford its pleasure at least once a day, if not during spontaneous sex, then in the few enjoyable minutes we should set aside for masturbation. If nothing else, we should do it in the interest of keeping the body young and eliminating stress.

 

Yours, in sexual sincerity,

Marina